Saturday, March 7, 2015

Thoughts on struggles and heartaches

          I have some great neighbors.  I live 30 min. from town and I have about 4 neighbors. They are all retired, hard working and kind people.  They go out of their way to make sure that we are okay and have offered to help in more than one way.  One of the things I usually hear them say when they are offering to help in some way is, "We know, we've been there."  They are people who usually have forged through life, trying t o make ends meet, sacrificing to make a better world for themselves and their posterity.  Yet, now having had some kind of success, do not look down on those around them, but understand the definition of hard work and struggle.  I value these neighbors of mine greatly.  I do not feel judged by them, just encouraged and enlightened.  So what does it take for us to be like these wonderful people?

      I have lived in cities both in the United States and Mexico.  I have experienced very different kinds of people in these very different communities.  There are many wonderful and beautiful people in the world.  Everybody struggles, everybody has trials.  I don't care who you are, we are all struggling at some point or another.  So what makes us different?  It is the way we look at the struggle.  Do we see it as a help or a hindrance?  I have heard people say that sometimes, when God destroys He is creating.  What gives our trials and heartaches the ability to become tools to create?  Faith!  Faith that even though something doesn't work out, it isn't the end.  Faith that there is someone out there rooting for us, who wants to see us succeed.  Faith in the strength that God gives us to get back up and try again.  Faith that God is creating something out of our trial. 

     I must say that I understand the concept, but to get it imbedded in my heart is a completely different story.  I have struggled with anxiety for a very long time.  I didn't used to be this way.  When I was a little girl I had so much trust and faith in who I was and why I was here and that God sent me here for a purpose, to welcome Him when He returned again.  I was excited and even though I knew that 3 days of darkness were coming(little girl understanding) I wasn't scared.  As I got a little older I understood more the things that would precede the second coming of Christ, but I didn't care, I wanted to see Him and be held by Him, just like all the little kids in the Book of Mormon, that fear just escaped me.  Well I grew older and had more experiences.  Life in this world taught me that nobody is special unless you do something special.  That God only talks to those who have high callings.  That God doesn't speak to people who sin or make mistakes and that in order to feel even His spirit, after a person committed a sin, that they would have to suffer and feel guilt and shame over their mistake or God would not see that they had repented enough.  Life came after my innocence with a vengeance.  My thoughts over time became this wave of negativity.  I saw every dark and evil thing in my life.  I no longer saw miracles, I only saw pain.  Even though I have continued to try to change my thoughts, I can never go back to that innocence.  I lost my faith.  I lost the faith that God was doing something with my life.  That I could trust Him in everything, because I knew He loved me. 

     I am in my own personal struggle at this time.  I don't know how to overcome it at this time, but I try every single day to continue to come closer to Christ.  Despite the lack of faith I continue to seek after Him, because even though my heart may be scrambled from life, I know in my head that God is the answer.  That Christ is the answer.  I have learned that we all struggle.  We all need each other to pull for each other and cheer for each other.  Because I know my struggle, I cannot judge another who struggles.  I hope that if you are struggling at this time, that you have someone in your life that you can talk to, to encourage and cheer for you. If you don't, please send me a message, I will be on your cheer team.  Maybe we can help remind each other, that God is there and to keep seeking after HIM. He is the healing balm, He will help carry the yolk and He will get us safely home.  Then one day when we see someone in need of help, we can look at them and say, "Let me help you, I have been there, I know the struggle."